Recovery from love losses

HOW DID YOU RECOVER FROM SIGNIFICANT BREAKUP OR DIVORCE? IS MY STORYWORTH QUESTION THIS WEEK.

 This is a difficult question to answer with all honesty. Why? Because the answer to recovery may contain hurtful or harmful details of a breakup. Protection takes precedence.

I will discuss my recovery. After my first divorce I met Jesus. I learned after forty-five years wrapped up in church politics and devoted to the doctrines of the church in which I grew up and was scripted to be part of even through marriage that Jesus loves me. Life was about the love of Jesus and worshipping the God of creation, the God of Abraham, Issacc, and Jacob. I learned that He loves me and there is nothing I could do that would make Him love me any more and nothing I could do that would make Him love me any less. “Working for a mansion and a robe and a crown” were not words of the God who loved me but words of a song to instill fear of a never attainable salvation. My acceptance by family and friends felt performance based and I knew I, ME, was of more value. God Himself became my audience of one which was what I needed and longed for. I learned so much about ME. I learned that I was not “crazy” or “dumb.” I learned that I could think on my own. I could reason with ideas and come to conclusions that made sense to me instead of spewing rhetoric that had been programmed into me or expected responses. I was free from the chains of religious bondage. Unless you have an understanding of what I am talking about this may seem strange or ridiculous. One of my friends put it this way, “you lived out your scripted life, now it’s time to live out your divine destined life.” 

My second marriage, two years after my first divorce, was to a man who taught me to appreciate the simplicity of life and to appreciate that I could be loved without performance. He truly was my “knight in shining armor” until he wasn’t. After a four-year marriage of passion, finding myself, healing from physical illness, career changes and connecting with God in new ways, I learned my “Knight,” my warrior, my protector, my lover was not even the man I knew. Everything I knew about his life was a lie. I cherish to this day that his amazing showering of love was real even if his past life of identity was fake.

How does one recover from an overwhelmingly treasured love loss?

How does a Christian woman recover from not one divorce, but two? As I was sitting in my recliner one day crying out to the Lord, I dozed off. I awakened with Jesus standing by my chair. He touched my shoulder and said, “It is as if you were never married. Your name is Janie Roberts.” His presence and words and touch were real! I will never forget Him showing up for me at a time I desperately needed His touch, His voice, and His assurance that everything was going to be all right. How did I recover from this breakup? The answer is simply Jesus and my trust and faith in Him and my husband the Lord of Hosts. Isaiah 54:5-8 (NKJV)says “For your Maker is your husband. The LORD of hosts is His Name, and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel. He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit. Like a youthful wife when you were refused, says your God. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer.”

A more appropriate question may have been, “How did you recover from a love loss?” There are many losses of love. Family deaths, loss of loved pets, loss of loved jobs or careers, loss of homes, loss of friends. One of my most difficult love losses was moving from Chester, West Virginia to Covington, Virginia. After thirty plus years I continue to feel that grief. I miss my friends from those seven years of togetherness. I miss the small town, the mountains, and the house in which we lived. I simply miss that chapter of my life. That chapter included two of my girls starting school, the loss of a baby, the birth of my third daughter, the ownership of a business, the completion of various musical and youth education projects of which I was proud to orchestrate. As I reflect on my grief and mourning, I am reminded of something I heard my mother say repeatedly through the years, “you can never go back.” When I communicate with my old friends from Chester, I understand it is different from when we were sharing life. Some have died, some have moved, some have left the church. One thing has not changed. Our memories of “days gone by” when we were young couples raising our children and leaning on each other for love and support. Days of sharing meals gathered around our tables and days of singing together of our Great God. Life has changed as it does. I am not the same person I was when I lived in Chester, West Virginia. I am a healed woman who has survived many love losses. I am a strong woman who continues daily to trust in Jesus. I am a prayer warrior who prays Protection, Provision and Pleasure over her family and friends. I am a wise old woman who never stops learning and seeking the ways of the Lord. I am teachable. This old woman is proud to be who I am. I am doing at this stage what God intends for me to do, “you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing, taking care of your husband.” Love Never Ends!

Janie Roberts Davis 10/03/2025